LL PT. 2 - inbox

[vapour]

87%

7:20 PM

19:20

nightfall ops

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[gottalearntoplayitright]

Keep me...

[Tucks his head under Sam's chin, breathing out]

What does keeping me entail?

[vapour]

[ tails coil and snuggle a bit more against Jewel. ]

Whatever you decide you'll let me have. No more, no less. I'll be happy with it if I can just have you around without worrying I might not see you again.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

You couldn't get rid of me if you tried.

[vapour]

I'm really relieved to hear that.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I have no intention of going to that place. If I were to become more like him... I wonder if being here would be free enough.

[vapour]

Probably not until you really are free. You aren't so much with that career of yours.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

That's true, isn't it?

[vapour]

[ Sam nods. ]

[gottalearntoplayitright]

Maybe he would actually manage to get out of it.

[vapour]

Maybe. You could, too, but you don't want to bad enough. He might find something in it like you that keeps him stuck, as well, even if it's different.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

Maybe I don't actually want to be free.

[vapour]

...Ah, yeah. Maybe.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

[Just starts laughing, though it doesn't sound particularly happy]

[vapour]

...Shadi, please stop.

[ holds him a little tighter now, nosing at his temple. ]

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I'm really very pathetic, huh?

[vapour]

No. You're just human.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

Am I? If those visions are us, every life I just wind up a commodity. I'm barely a person, so I shouldn't really count as human either.

[vapour]

[ Sam is silent for a moment. Because those words strike him as familiar. They're similar to the words he said in frustration to Jun, that if these visions were another life than it shows that he is just the same thing, someone who has nothing, something that can't feel or know what it's like to have those around him that care, and only capable of being useful or values by being able to kill and kill without hesitation. What's the point of anything it's that's all he's ever going to know?

He doesn't like being hypocritical if he can help it, but this isn't something negotiable— ]

Others are doing this to you; whether you let them or not is irrelevant. That doesn't make you less of what you are and deserve to be treated as.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

Oh? What am I then? How do I deserve to be treated?

[vapour]

A person. With respect.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

It certainly doesn't feel like it sometimes.

[vapour]

I know... But, that doesn't change what you deserve.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

Why don't I ever get what I supposedly deserve then? Lucky... That guy is supposed to be lucky.

[vapour]

...Because luck is a statistic, not a boon.

How often do you give people the chance to treat you as you deserve? I don't think you believe it yourself, which makes it very difficult. You accept what you believe is true whether you want it or not, and brush off what you don't believe.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I've...been working on it.