LL PT. 2 - inbox

[vapour]

87%

7:20 PM

19:20

nightfall ops

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[vapour]

[ nods. ]

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I don’t get easier to deal with.

[vapour]

I look forward to a potential chance to be able to learn that first hand.

But, Shadi... you need to get it through your head that the only people who are worth your time are going to take all of you and love and care for you when you're at your low the same as they do at your high. I'm worried you're going to do yourself a disservice by thinking you deserve less.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

You don’t have to worry, I promise. No one I am close to is that shallow in their affection.

[vapour]

Oh~? Then, is there someone you're considering to say that? That's a very high level affection across the board.

You should talk to them, if so. I know you're afraid of talking it out or rejection and whatnot, but if their affections are enough for you to be able to say that to me, I would say that it's safe to assume nothing will change with you talking it out with them even if they aren't on board ultimately.

You have an opportunity where you technically having nothing precious to you that you could lose and can gain something life changing.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I just meant my friends in general. I probably wouldn't date anyone I wasn't friends with first.

[vapour]

The affection of your friends in general?

Damn, that's impressive ...

[gottalearntoplayitright]

To be fair, I don't have many friends.

[vapour]

What's your definition of "many?"

[gottalearntoplayitright]

Ahhh....more than a few? Double digits is definitely a lot....

[vapour]

[ nods slowly... seems fair? Double digits is a lot ...! ]

...Well, anyway. Since I can't make you do anything especially with other people, maybe we should try practicing on getting you to be comfortable with giving an answer rather than avoiding even if it's a direct "no comment" response?

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I mean. We can try.

[vapour]

[ runs a hand gently through Jewel's hair. ]

...You know why I keep pushing wanting to be in a relationship with you even though you always dodge, and it's really obvious to me what you want, already, right?

[gottalearntoplayitright]

What I want...? What is it that I want then?

1/2

[vapour]

For me to shut up about it.

[vapour]

You don't want it. Why don't you just say so, though? I know you don't want to hurt people you like but pressuring you is pretty obnoxious and I'd deserve it. Do you really think if you use the word 'no' that I'm going to leave?

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I know you're not going to leave. You told me you wouldn't. You told me you'd stick around.

[vapour]

Are you worried your choice is the wrong one then, if you have multiple options to pick between?

Or that it's not what you really want?

[gottalearntoplayitright]

[Furrows his brow, searching for his words and after a moment he'll answer, voice a little quieter than before...speaking slowly as if to himself too]

There's....alot. That I have to figure out about myself. Going on a casual date. Or fooling around. Or being with someone who isn't so serious about me. All those things are fine as I am right now. Something actually intense with someone serious about me...I think it's important I get myself figured out first.

[vapour]

Fair enough. You're not ready.

But... if you don't tell the people that you might be interested in it down the line, aren't you going to miss opportunities?

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I'm not about to say something that might take opportunities from people I care about. If I say I might be interested down the line, they might wait for me instead of pursue someone who could make them happy now.

[vapour]

That's very selfless of you, but I don't think it's the case.

It's like how long distant relationships rarely work out. The person has to be so extremely dedicated and committed to waiting for that one person that they usually can't handle the loneliness and the void so they find someone else in the end even if they intended to wait it out.

Of course... I don't think you should say that to anyone unless you want to be serous with them right now but simply in need to figure yourself out first, outgrow that's just leading someone on.

One more question, now.

Have you ever considered that being in a relationship with someone serious about you that you also want to be with like that might be exactly what you need to figuring yourself out?

[gottalearntoplayitright]

If I figure myself out, I might wind up a pretty different person. And that wouldn't be fair to them.... It would be a little like a bait and switch, even if that wasn't my intention.

[vapour]

Hm... that's unfortunate. I would hope they wouldn't see it that way and know what they're getting into. I just wonder if you had someone serious about you that it might be the thing to give you the motivation you feel you're lacking right now.

[ sighs softly, rubbing Jewel's shoulders. ]

Well, anyway, you did great. Those are all direct and real answers. I still wish I could see you happy, though. Even though you have all these people that care about you around you... you just have a faraway look in your eyes sometimes like you're all alone.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

It’s possible, but I’m too messy right now to drag someone with me like that.

[Hums quietly, closing his eyes and his shoulders relaxing]

I’m probably the sort of person who gets lonely easily.