How did that remind you? Aren't you just dodging my hopeful roundabout way of not asking you directly to get a read on this situation and if I should be going forward knowing there's no shot?
... [ ears twitch before he mumbles a little quieter. ]
You can absolutely still have it. It’s for you, afterall.
I haven’t been dodging. At least, I didn’t think I was? I like you and I like flirting and I like being close, but marriage isn’t something I can promise you.
Huh, who said anything about you promising me marriage?? I just wanna know if I have a chance of dating you so we can find out if we're compatible in a relationship like that and work well.
In no way have you acted towards me, especially compared to others that suggest to me I do? You never respond to me, you never give anything back beyond casual stuff that you can just do with anyone you are friends with, but you have done pretty obvious displays in front of others that are very typical of being interested in a relationship with them, so?
[ his words are criticizing and blunt but his voice doesn't sound accusatory just more like sincerely... confused. ]
I get you spend more time with them because we were avoiding each other for quite some time on top of everything else, but it's even still pretty convincing to me. In fact I've been assuming I was friendzoned a while ago.
Like kissing in front of people and stuff and being openly affectionate when you know people are going to talk in a certain way considering you want to be viewed very specially in public. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's behavior you don't do with me so I can only assume that means you're preoccupation with their affection and their attention means that someone's pretty special and you got it down bad for them in particular?
[ also sorry what did you expect from the way cirrus constantly talks about you and Booker, Jewel, while Sam was there having to listen to it all the time. sam's stupid. ]
I didn't think I was doing that much kissing in public outside of game effects... I did kiss people during the drinking game, but that was also just me being drunk.
Uhm... I guess I'm just assuming you're upset for a good reason that I don't understand because you were being incredibly open with me— which I was so happy about, by the way— and then I got whiplash?
[ Sam will just kind of occupy himself with his own tails for the moment, thinking very hard about what to say next. ]
...I'm not trying to be a jealous brat, either. I don't feel a lot most of the time and sometimes when something happens involving a person I feel more than usual towards, I get a bleed of emotions that may or may not be a normal response except it's also overwhelming. After it's over, I can't easily shake off whatever I felt then without absolute proof it's incorrect.
And I struggle with this concept of a bond between us, as much as I love it. I struggle with whether I'm expecting too much or hoping for too little. If I'm going to do something that suddenly makes you walk away without even realizing what it is I did. I'm trying to also get better here.
... As for my offers, I also want to clarify. I meant everything I said, but that's also basically the ideal end goal we get to. I like the idea of being in a serious and intense relationship with you. We seem like we want the same thing from a relationship.
But... I don't expect it as a promise for us to work out, and I don't expect that's how the relationship will be diving into it if we were right now. Maybe my ideas of the first stage of dating isn't even considered dating to you. I don't think this changes anything for you in your decision, but... especially now if there's a chance to be with you, I don't want to miss it no matter where I have to look.
[Listens quietly to what he has to say, taking a moment to digest it before he leans against Sam’s shoulder, reaching down to take one of his hands and giving it a small squeeze]
For a jealous brat…that was a pretty mature answer.
[ he sags a bit in relief, the tension easing out of him as he exhales not having realized he was holding his breath. He tails relax, too and his ears that were tilted a bit defensively also relax until they lower back a little nervously. he clears his throat even as he squeezes Jewel's hand. ]
Hopefully I don't die from how corny this sounds before I finish, but... If you were saying yes to me currently, it would basically mean to me that I'm not the only one feeling these out of sorts feelings. I'm sleeping with other people and it feels different from you. If you feel like you don't feel any different about me than any of the others you're with currently, I want you to say no because we aren't on the same page yet. And that's okay, at least I understand it better. If it ever changes, I'd like to know.
But if you do feel it... At least if I know we're both feeling an interest towards each other and the idea, we can put it in the back of our mind and maybe not shove away and ignore stuff we think concerning each other is us feeling a certain way or that we can't be possibly saying something it sounds like because we're not interested in each other kinda... thing...
[ ugh ]
... The only commitment I would ask of you to be all in with me on would be seeing if we might be compatible enough to try it. So no simply brushing thoughts and feeling and concerns off and never mentioning them to each other kind of thing anymore, and also not letting ourselves just assume whatever we're feeling or thinking the other is feeling must be how it is without communicating.
[ ...okay his ears lower even more in embarrassment he's just going to duck his head and look at the sheets very intently because that was so bad and hard and sounded really dumb.
he's ready to go drown himself now. ]
Edited (last time I swear sigh) 2025-10-04 01:21 (UTC)
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... [ ears twitch before he mumbles a little quieter. ]
I still want it, though...
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I haven’t been dodging. At least, I didn’t think I was? I like you and I like flirting and I like being close, but marriage isn’t something I can promise you.
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Huh, who said anything about you promising me marriage?? I just wanna know if I have a chance of dating you so we can find out if we're compatible in a relationship like that and work well.
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…? Who ever said you didn’t have a chance?
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In no way have you acted towards me, especially compared to others that suggest to me I do? You never respond to me, you never give anything back beyond casual stuff that you can just do with anyone you are friends with, but you have done pretty obvious displays in front of others that are very typical of being interested in a relationship with them, so?
[ his words are criticizing and blunt but his voice doesn't sound accusatory just more like sincerely... confused. ]
I get you spend more time with them because we were avoiding each other for quite some time on top of everything else, but it's even still pretty convincing to me. In fact I've been assuming I was friendzoned a while ago.
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[ also sorry what did you expect from the way cirrus constantly talks about you and Booker, Jewel, while Sam was there having to listen to it all the time. sam's stupid. ]
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[Starts smacking him with the pillow.]
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[ eek how many times is he gonna get smacked!! Covering his head. ]
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You're unbelievable, you know that?
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—But why this time! You asked, I'm just explaining!
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[Smacks him a couple more times before just tossing the pillow at him, turning his attention to searching for his pants]
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Are you leaving now?
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I see I didn’t get nearly enough smacks in if you still want me to stay.
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I'm not trying to upset you.
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...I'm not trying to be a jealous brat, either. I don't feel a lot most of the time and sometimes when something happens involving a person I feel more than usual towards, I get a bleed of emotions that may or may not be a normal response except it's also overwhelming. After it's over, I can't easily shake off whatever I felt then without absolute proof it's incorrect.
And I struggle with this concept of a bond between us, as much as I love it. I struggle with whether I'm expecting too much or hoping for too little. If I'm going to do something that suddenly makes you walk away without even realizing what it is I did. I'm trying to also get better here.
... As for my offers, I also want to clarify. I meant everything I said, but that's also basically the ideal end goal we get to. I like the idea of being in a serious and intense relationship with you. We seem like we want the same thing from a relationship.
But... I don't expect it as a promise for us to work out, and I don't expect that's how the relationship will be diving into it if we were right now. Maybe my ideas of the first stage of dating isn't even considered dating to you. I don't think this changes anything for you in your decision, but... especially now if there's a chance to be with you, I don't want to miss it no matter where I have to look.
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For a jealous brat…that was a pretty mature answer.
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Hopefully I don't die from how corny this sounds before I finish, but... If you were saying yes to me currently, it would basically mean to me that I'm not the only one feeling these out of sorts feelings. I'm sleeping with other people and it feels different from you. If you feel like you don't feel any different about me than any of the others you're with currently, I want you to say no because we aren't on the same page yet. And that's okay, at least I understand it better. If it ever changes, I'd like to know.
But if you do feel it... At least if I know we're both feeling an interest towards each other and the idea, we can put it in the back of our mind and maybe not shove away and ignore stuff we think concerning each other is us feeling a certain way or that we can't be possibly saying something it sounds like because we're not interested in each other kinda... thing...
[ ugh ]
... The only commitment I would ask of you to be all in with me on would be seeing if we might be compatible enough to try it. So no simply brushing thoughts and feeling and concerns off and never mentioning them to each other kind of thing anymore, and also not letting ourselves just assume whatever we're feeling or thinking the other is feeling must be how it is without communicating.
[ ...okay his ears lower even more in embarrassment he's just going to duck his head and look at the sheets very intently because that was so bad and hard and sounded really dumb.
he's ready to go drown himself now. ]
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