Uhm... I guess I'm just assuming you're upset for a good reason that I don't understand because you were being incredibly open with me— which I was so happy about, by the way— and then I got whiplash?
[ Sam will just kind of occupy himself with his own tails for the moment, thinking very hard about what to say next. ]
...I'm not trying to be a jealous brat, either. I don't feel a lot most of the time and sometimes when something happens involving a person I feel more than usual towards, I get a bleed of emotions that may or may not be a normal response except it's also overwhelming. After it's over, I can't easily shake off whatever I felt then without absolute proof it's incorrect.
And I struggle with this concept of a bond between us, as much as I love it. I struggle with whether I'm expecting too much or hoping for too little. If I'm going to do something that suddenly makes you walk away without even realizing what it is I did. I'm trying to also get better here.
... As for my offers, I also want to clarify. I meant everything I said, but that's also basically the ideal end goal we get to. I like the idea of being in a serious and intense relationship with you. We seem like we want the same thing from a relationship.
But... I don't expect it as a promise for us to work out, and I don't expect that's how the relationship will be diving into it if we were right now. Maybe my ideas of the first stage of dating isn't even considered dating to you. I don't think this changes anything for you in your decision, but... especially now if there's a chance to be with you, I don't want to miss it no matter where I have to look.
[Listens quietly to what he has to say, taking a moment to digest it before he leans against Sam’s shoulder, reaching down to take one of his hands and giving it a small squeeze]
For a jealous brat…that was a pretty mature answer.
[ he sags a bit in relief, the tension easing out of him as he exhales not having realized he was holding his breath. He tails relax, too and his ears that were tilted a bit defensively also relax until they lower back a little nervously. he clears his throat even as he squeezes Jewel's hand. ]
Hopefully I don't die from how corny this sounds before I finish, but... If you were saying yes to me currently, it would basically mean to me that I'm not the only one feeling these out of sorts feelings. I'm sleeping with other people and it feels different from you. If you feel like you don't feel any different about me than any of the others you're with currently, I want you to say no because we aren't on the same page yet. And that's okay, at least I understand it better. If it ever changes, I'd like to know.
But if you do feel it... At least if I know we're both feeling an interest towards each other and the idea, we can put it in the back of our mind and maybe not shove away and ignore stuff we think concerning each other is us feeling a certain way or that we can't be possibly saying something it sounds like because we're not interested in each other kinda... thing...
[ ugh ]
... The only commitment I would ask of you to be all in with me on would be seeing if we might be compatible enough to try it. So no simply brushing thoughts and feeling and concerns off and never mentioning them to each other kind of thing anymore, and also not letting ourselves just assume whatever we're feeling or thinking the other is feeling must be how it is without communicating.
[ ...okay his ears lower even more in embarrassment he's just going to duck his head and look at the sheets very intently because that was so bad and hard and sounded really dumb.
he's ready to go drown himself now. ]
Edited (last time I swear sigh) 2025-10-04 01:21 (UTC)
[Stays quiet a while longer, thumb brushing back and forth over Sam's knuckles slowly before bringing his hand up for a kiss]
I don't think it was corny and...I can do that. Communication. I'm not good at it, but I'll try.
And it's true......I am sleeping with other people. That's no secret. Some of them are just friends and some are more complicated then that. I don't kiss and tell, so there's only so much I will say about my relationships with other people.
[ no he thinks it was really corny. But instead of getting lost in little things, he does his best to remain focused. He wants this laid out very black and white so neither of them can argue down the road something was or wasn't clear regardless of what happens. ]
Sorry, let me clarify... I only am asking for us both to be better communicators of each other.
I know me being jealous just now doesn't really support this, but I don't really care what you do with other people. Your business, your life. I don't really want details, either, which is why I was so upset to see it. I knew beforehand you were with him like that, I lived there and was next door to him, afterall.
I just don't want to be led on, either, so I want to be told if you decide you're going to actively pursue someone or you accept their pursuing of you. I don't need an explanation, I just want a firm "let's just be friends" statement, and I won't ask questions. All right?
...I'm not really planning to actively pursue anyone... At least not until I figure out what I'm doing with the rest of the visions and see what happens from there...but...
[Chews on his bottom lip, holding on tighter to Sam's hand]
I don't want anyone, especially people I care about, to feel led on. So....let's just be friends,
[ he's not sure if he believes that, but it's not his business. he got what he asked for, and he's relieved to have that.
he smiles gently though, tightening his hold on Jewel's hand in return. ]
Then, I'll consider that that unless you ever come forward and tell me straight out you feel differently. Ball stays in your court now until you choose to move it.
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I see I didn’t get nearly enough smacks in if you still want me to stay.
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I'm not trying to upset you.
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...I'm not trying to be a jealous brat, either. I don't feel a lot most of the time and sometimes when something happens involving a person I feel more than usual towards, I get a bleed of emotions that may or may not be a normal response except it's also overwhelming. After it's over, I can't easily shake off whatever I felt then without absolute proof it's incorrect.
And I struggle with this concept of a bond between us, as much as I love it. I struggle with whether I'm expecting too much or hoping for too little. If I'm going to do something that suddenly makes you walk away without even realizing what it is I did. I'm trying to also get better here.
... As for my offers, I also want to clarify. I meant everything I said, but that's also basically the ideal end goal we get to. I like the idea of being in a serious and intense relationship with you. We seem like we want the same thing from a relationship.
But... I don't expect it as a promise for us to work out, and I don't expect that's how the relationship will be diving into it if we were right now. Maybe my ideas of the first stage of dating isn't even considered dating to you. I don't think this changes anything for you in your decision, but... especially now if there's a chance to be with you, I don't want to miss it no matter where I have to look.
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For a jealous brat…that was a pretty mature answer.
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Hopefully I don't die from how corny this sounds before I finish, but... If you were saying yes to me currently, it would basically mean to me that I'm not the only one feeling these out of sorts feelings. I'm sleeping with other people and it feels different from you. If you feel like you don't feel any different about me than any of the others you're with currently, I want you to say no because we aren't on the same page yet. And that's okay, at least I understand it better. If it ever changes, I'd like to know.
But if you do feel it... At least if I know we're both feeling an interest towards each other and the idea, we can put it in the back of our mind and maybe not shove away and ignore stuff we think concerning each other is us feeling a certain way or that we can't be possibly saying something it sounds like because we're not interested in each other kinda... thing...
[ ugh ]
... The only commitment I would ask of you to be all in with me on would be seeing if we might be compatible enough to try it. So no simply brushing thoughts and feeling and concerns off and never mentioning them to each other kind of thing anymore, and also not letting ourselves just assume whatever we're feeling or thinking the other is feeling must be how it is without communicating.
[ ...okay his ears lower even more in embarrassment he's just going to duck his head and look at the sheets very intently because that was so bad and hard and sounded really dumb.
he's ready to go drown himself now. ]
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I don't think it was corny and...I can do that. Communication. I'm not good at it, but I'll try.
And it's true......I am sleeping with other people. That's no secret. Some of them are just friends and some are more complicated then that. I don't kiss and tell, so there's only so much I will say about my relationships with other people.
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Sorry, let me clarify... I only am asking for us both to be better communicators of each other.
I know me being jealous just now doesn't really support this, but I don't really care what you do with other people. Your business, your life. I don't really want details, either, which is why I was so upset to see it. I knew beforehand you were with him like that, I lived there and was next door to him, afterall.
I just don't want to be led on, either, so I want to be told if you decide you're going to actively pursue someone or you accept their pursuing of you. I don't need an explanation, I just want a firm "let's just be friends" statement, and I won't ask questions. All right?
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[Chews on his bottom lip, holding on tighter to Sam's hand]
I don't want anyone, especially people I care about, to feel led on. So....let's just be friends,
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[ he's not sure if he believes that, but it's not his business. he got what he asked for, and he's relieved to have that.
he smiles gently though, tightening his hold on Jewel's hand in return. ]
Then, I'll consider that that unless you ever come forward and tell me straight out you feel differently. Ball stays in your court now until you choose to move it.
[ he leans forward to kiss Jewel's head. ]
Thanks for giving me a straight answer.
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