LL PT. 2 - inbox

[vapour]

87%

7:20 PM

19:20

nightfall ops

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[gottalearntoplayitright]

You don’t have to worry, I promise. No one I am close to is that shallow in their affection.

[vapour]

Oh~? Then, is there someone you're considering to say that? That's a very high level affection across the board.

You should talk to them, if so. I know you're afraid of talking it out or rejection and whatnot, but if their affections are enough for you to be able to say that to me, I would say that it's safe to assume nothing will change with you talking it out with them even if they aren't on board ultimately.

You have an opportunity where you technically having nothing precious to you that you could lose and can gain something life changing.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I just meant my friends in general. I probably wouldn't date anyone I wasn't friends with first.

[vapour]

The affection of your friends in general?

Damn, that's impressive ...

[gottalearntoplayitright]

To be fair, I don't have many friends.

[vapour]

What's your definition of "many?"

[gottalearntoplayitright]

Ahhh....more than a few? Double digits is definitely a lot....

[vapour]

[ nods slowly... seems fair? Double digits is a lot ...! ]

...Well, anyway. Since I can't make you do anything especially with other people, maybe we should try practicing on getting you to be comfortable with giving an answer rather than avoiding even if it's a direct "no comment" response?

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I mean. We can try.

[vapour]

[ runs a hand gently through Jewel's hair. ]

...You know why I keep pushing wanting to be in a relationship with you even though you always dodge, and it's really obvious to me what you want, already, right?

[gottalearntoplayitright]

What I want...? What is it that I want then?

1/2

[vapour]

For me to shut up about it.

[vapour]

You don't want it. Why don't you just say so, though? I know you don't want to hurt people you like but pressuring you is pretty obnoxious and I'd deserve it. Do you really think if you use the word 'no' that I'm going to leave?

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I know you're not going to leave. You told me you wouldn't. You told me you'd stick around.

[vapour]

Are you worried your choice is the wrong one then, if you have multiple options to pick between?

Or that it's not what you really want?

[gottalearntoplayitright]

[Furrows his brow, searching for his words and after a moment he'll answer, voice a little quieter than before...speaking slowly as if to himself too]

There's....alot. That I have to figure out about myself. Going on a casual date. Or fooling around. Or being with someone who isn't so serious about me. All those things are fine as I am right now. Something actually intense with someone serious about me...I think it's important I get myself figured out first.

[vapour]

Fair enough. You're not ready.

But... if you don't tell the people that you might be interested in it down the line, aren't you going to miss opportunities?

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I'm not about to say something that might take opportunities from people I care about. If I say I might be interested down the line, they might wait for me instead of pursue someone who could make them happy now.

[vapour]

That's very selfless of you, but I don't think it's the case.

It's like how long distant relationships rarely work out. The person has to be so extremely dedicated and committed to waiting for that one person that they usually can't handle the loneliness and the void so they find someone else in the end even if they intended to wait it out.

Of course... I don't think you should say that to anyone unless you want to be serous with them right now but simply in need to figure yourself out first, outgrow that's just leading someone on.

One more question, now.

Have you ever considered that being in a relationship with someone serious about you that you also want to be with like that might be exactly what you need to figuring yourself out?

[gottalearntoplayitright]

If I figure myself out, I might wind up a pretty different person. And that wouldn't be fair to them.... It would be a little like a bait and switch, even if that wasn't my intention.

[vapour]

Hm... that's unfortunate. I would hope they wouldn't see it that way and know what they're getting into. I just wonder if you had someone serious about you that it might be the thing to give you the motivation you feel you're lacking right now.

[ sighs softly, rubbing Jewel's shoulders. ]

Well, anyway, you did great. Those are all direct and real answers. I still wish I could see you happy, though. Even though you have all these people that care about you around you... you just have a faraway look in your eyes sometimes like you're all alone.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

It’s possible, but I’m too messy right now to drag someone with me like that.

[Hums quietly, closing his eyes and his shoulders relaxing]

I’m probably the sort of person who gets lonely easily.

[vapour]

[ Sam just nods to that. As far his thinking goes, it has nothing to do with him because he's not that person or one of several persons. So if he can't persuade Jewel to try and let someone in , who knows maybe the other can still get some more emotionally empowering support by dating someone that's less serious about him. it won't last long, most likely but that could still help significantly, too.

Who knows if it's even worth thinking about now? he sure doesn't. ]

I hope I can help with that at least a small bit from time to time.

[ shifts a bit to get a little more comfortable, yawning but still keeping Jewel nice and close on his chest. ]

Okay... two more things, and I'll stop pushing you for today.

First is... when you said I don't have to worry because none of your friends affections are that shallow and how unlikely it is you'd date anyone who isn't your friend, what I meant was... I'm afraid if one of your friends you are interested in that with is going to offer to date that you'll feel like you don't deserve it no matter how much you have figured yourself out; so you'll deny yourself the opportunity thinking they deserve someone better than you. I'm at least confident you wouldn't accept a subpar relationship with how you are.

[ Sam knows the second type of person since that's his bullshit lane, so he's not worried about Jewel letting anyone use him or abuse him ever again to a point like that, at least. Unless he sees something in Jewel that changes that opinion, it is one worry that's not in his pile. ]

No need to comment on it if you don't want. Just keep it in mind, okay?

And the second is: now that you've given direct answers of some kind, I don't have a reason to keep harassing you with all my declarations. I'm pretty dense sometimes, but even I didn't miss that there's some potential suggestion you like it or appreciate it. I know you want me to pursue someone else, but that's just simply not going to happen until we're free unless some magical person arrives on the boat.

So, my question is: do you want me to stop or does it give you some kind of comfort or positive feeling being reminded that someone feels that way about you even if you won't return it?

You can avoid answering me directly if you want, but that means I'll stop doing it from here on out if you do because I'll take it as it's really uncomfortable for you and you don't get a net gain from it.

[gottalearntoplayitright]

I feel a lot less lonely when you’re around, I promise. I like that I help you…or at least I think I do…and that you help me too.

[Goes with the shift, holding on tighter and taking a moment to enjoy being held before responding]

How to say this in a way that doesn’t sound entitled or bad…I know I deserve what I want. Everyone on the boat has been very good about telling me how much I deserve. And every day it gets easier to believe it. That said…I’m probably more comfortable settling for less. What I want scares me sometimes.

As for the second…how could one possibly hate being confessed to by a cute boy? I don’t want you to continue it just for my sake though. Even I’m not that selfish as to encourage you to settle for less.

[Turns his head just enough to press a soft kiss to Sam’s shoulder]

[vapour]

You're so silly. You think I would be this annoying chasing you around about a relationship if you didn't help me?

If settling for less makes you happy, then all right, but it's not good to me if it doesn't.

[ Sam tilts his head so he can nuzzle against Jewel's now, one of his fox ears rubbing against him too in the process. ]

As for me... how is it settling for less when it's what I want? Isn't it more like denial~? I have an excuse to go along with it if it's something that helps you. I don't if it makes you feel bad and I also don't get what I want, you know? And helping you is also something I want, so one way is technically a win-win. The other isn't.