vapour | (no subject)

[Finally looks up, perking a bit and quickening his step when he spots the familiar mop of red hair]

Hey you. Couldn't sleep either? Perfect timing, you can join me for a drink.

[ cants his head a bit before glancing around like he must be talking to someone else. ]

[ ... guess not.

turns back with a friendly smile, though it's a bit hollow. Not easy to tell normally, but Sam usually gives something a bit less forced for Jewel. ]

Hm? Sure, thanks for for the invite~.

[Stops in place, looking him over briefly before leading the way, waving for him to follow.]

Anytime. I'll be glad to have the company.

[ following. ] What's keeping you awake tonight?

Too much thinking. I got stuck thinking about the way I am and why... Now I can't seem to stop. What about you?

Eh, info bombs getting dropped. Found out someone's engaged. Still reeling. Feels like I don't know what anyone's doing anymore.

Engaged, huh.... I guess the performances lately really would have a way of making people really reassess what's important... I don't think anyone knows what they're doing anymore either, if that helps.

It doesn't, but thanks for trying. [ chuckles a bit (self)derisively. ] From what I gathered, this isn't new. It just suddenly came out. Maybe because of the performances, I don't know.

[ takes a seat with an unamused shrug. ] Many people deal with trauma through romance and sexual means and who they choose is going to be a disappointment sometimes when it's not you they pick for either. But that's just the way relationships work, and it's not my business. Just like this engagement is not really my business. Despite these things, I'm happy for them so long as they are happy and should be grateful I was told at all.

Edited 2025-01-30 06:46 (UTC)

Was it someone you had a crush on? Or is it just the not knowing that's upsetting?

[Has a seat as well before ordering their drinks]

[ shrugs. he stares at the wall of liquors and spirits behind the lounge bar. ] I ignore crushes, anyway, they're always one-sided. Everyone's life moves on, it's just a reminder I can't keep up even with those I want to.

[ closes his eyes. ] It's whatever, really.

So it was a crush, huh?

[Sets a drink infront of him]

I'm sorry.

[ exhales sharply out of his nose before he picks the drink up and knocks it back after a brief pause with his mouth to the rim of the glass. ]

[Reaches out to ruffle his hair with one hand while ordering another drink]

Is this something you've gone through before?

Not really....

[Takes a sip of his own drink, settling back into the bar seat]

I guess the closest thing I've felt is not being able to be with people? Liking someone and not being able to do anything about it because it would be dangerous for them.

Then don't be sorry about it. You got enough shit on your shoulders without feeling bad for other people about things you haven't been through. Especially since you're just speculating on my part.

Was I wrong then?

What's a crush to you, anyway?

...I suppose I haven't really thought about it much? I assume the same as most people? An attraction to someone...I won't say physical attraction doesn't matter, but that tends to be a backseat for me considering I'm surrounded by tens. So...someone who's personality I find magnetic or who I find myself wanting to know more about or wanting to be around more or feel comfortable with? Something like that. Someone special.

[ stares at him quietly. ]

Yeah, sure, then. But I still don't your want your pity. Waste your time on someone else with that, you got plenty of people that would appreciate it. For me, this sort of thing is par the course. I want and expect things to go this way.

You can feel bad for me the day someone returns that interest, if you insist. That's when it's going to be problematic for me.

[Pauses mid sip, arching an eyebrow and setting his drink down]

Why would it be a problem? Don't you want them to like you back?

Oh sure, a part of me does. But overall, no.

[ he tips his glass around to let the ice clink like heavy punctuations, but he'll set it down in exchange for a new drink once he gets it and take that one instead. ]

[Frowns into his glass, sipping his drink for a moment and turning that over for a moment before finally caving and just asking]

...why not?

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