vapour | (no subject)

[Pauses mid sip, arching an eyebrow and setting his drink down]

Why would it be a problem? Don't you want them to like you back?

Oh sure, a part of me does. But overall, no.

[ he tips his glass around to let the ice clink like heavy punctuations, but he'll set it down in exchange for a new drink once he gets it and take that one instead. ]

[Frowns into his glass, sipping his drink for a moment and turning that over for a moment before finally caving and just asking]

...why not?

[ a soft drawn out hum, taking a sip of his drink. ]

Do you want the altruistic version or the selfish version?

Well, the truth is usually somewhere in the middle...right? How about that version?

Because whatever they like is definitely a lie, and that lie they think will make them happy is just them confusing their natural desire to want to care for helpless and broken things. Their kindness is working against them. I don't want connections of people worrying about me and feeling bad for me, I just want something normal. I don't care if it's considered tone deaf, I'm so tired of seeing people look at me with this sadness like I'm so unfortunate for my lots in life. If the person is special enough for me to want their feelings, I want better for them.

That's why I don't want your pity for this. This person deserves and is getting better, there's no need to feel sorry for me.

Edited 2025-02-01 00:07 (UTC)

I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way… Wanting better for them. And not wanting to be pitied. All right, fair enough.

[Goes back to sipping his drink]

In that case, a new topic is in order.

Your turn.

For a topic?

Sure, if you don't want to talk about your overthinking about yourself you mentioned earlier.

I doubt you really want to sit here and listen to me complain about myself.

Did you want to sit and hear me talk about what we just did?

Edited 2025-02-01 01:34 (UTC)

....fine, but tell me if you want me to stop talking about it at any point.

Okay.

I've just been thinking...about what changes I need to make so that, if there ever was a next time, I wouldn't want to opt to...you know....not put my heart back in.

And those are...?

Apparently I take on too much stress. And, shock of the century, it winds up stressing me out.

Oh, yeah, that's very surprising.

[Reaches out to pinch his side gently]

You could at least try to look surprised.

[ jumps a little, hey now, he's kinda ticklish/sensitive! ] Ah, wow— [ he looks surprised by that before he can't help but laugh a bit. ] I'm very surprised, you know, what does it matter how I look about it!

If you're going to say you're surprised, that face should at least match the words!

[Reaches out for another pinch]

This is absolutely my surprised face, I'll have you know!

[ playfully swats away. ]

That's smiling, not surprised.

[Takes both his hands]

It's called being pleasantly surprised~. You're not only going to solve your own dilemma here, but one the entire world suffers with, too. You can win the next peace prize for this.

[ since hands are occupied he's gonna give a shoulder nudge. just a small reassurance he's not lost sight of what they're talking about despite teasing him. ] So, how are you planning to not get stressed out by stress? I want to take your class, too.

[Groans, releasing his hands and picking his drink back up]

Well. Someone suggested I budget the things that weigh me down. I'm going to try it, but I don't think it's that easy.

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