vapour | (no subject)

Was it someone you had a crush on? Or is it just the not knowing that's upsetting?

[Has a seat as well before ordering their drinks]

[ shrugs. he stares at the wall of liquors and spirits behind the lounge bar. ] I ignore crushes, anyway, they're always one-sided. Everyone's life moves on, it's just a reminder I can't keep up even with those I want to.

[ closes his eyes. ] It's whatever, really.

So it was a crush, huh?

[Sets a drink infront of him]

I'm sorry.

[ exhales sharply out of his nose before he picks the drink up and knocks it back after a brief pause with his mouth to the rim of the glass. ]

[Reaches out to ruffle his hair with one hand while ordering another drink]

Is this something you've gone through before?

Not really....

[Takes a sip of his own drink, settling back into the bar seat]

I guess the closest thing I've felt is not being able to be with people? Liking someone and not being able to do anything about it because it would be dangerous for them.

Then don't be sorry about it. You got enough shit on your shoulders without feeling bad for other people about things you haven't been through. Especially since you're just speculating on my part.

Was I wrong then?

What's a crush to you, anyway?

...I suppose I haven't really thought about it much? I assume the same as most people? An attraction to someone...I won't say physical attraction doesn't matter, but that tends to be a backseat for me considering I'm surrounded by tens. So...someone who's personality I find magnetic or who I find myself wanting to know more about or wanting to be around more or feel comfortable with? Something like that. Someone special.

[ stares at him quietly. ]

Yeah, sure, then. But I still don't your want your pity. Waste your time on someone else with that, you got plenty of people that would appreciate it. For me, this sort of thing is par the course. I want and expect things to go this way.

You can feel bad for me the day someone returns that interest, if you insist. That's when it's going to be problematic for me.

[Pauses mid sip, arching an eyebrow and setting his drink down]

Why would it be a problem? Don't you want them to like you back?

Oh sure, a part of me does. But overall, no.

[ he tips his glass around to let the ice clink like heavy punctuations, but he'll set it down in exchange for a new drink once he gets it and take that one instead. ]

[Frowns into his glass, sipping his drink for a moment and turning that over for a moment before finally caving and just asking]

...why not?

[ a soft drawn out hum, taking a sip of his drink. ]

Do you want the altruistic version or the selfish version?

Well, the truth is usually somewhere in the middle...right? How about that version?

Because whatever they like is definitely a lie, and that lie they think will make them happy is just them confusing their natural desire to want to care for helpless and broken things. Their kindness is working against them. I don't want connections of people worrying about me and feeling bad for me, I just want something normal. I don't care if it's considered tone deaf, I'm so tired of seeing people look at me with this sadness like I'm so unfortunate for my lots in life. If the person is special enough for me to want their feelings, I want better for them.

That's why I don't want your pity for this. This person deserves and is getting better, there's no need to feel sorry for me.

Edited 2025-02-01 00:07 (UTC)

I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way… Wanting better for them. And not wanting to be pitied. All right, fair enough.

[Goes back to sipping his drink]

In that case, a new topic is in order.

Your turn.

For a topic?

Sure, if you don't want to talk about your overthinking about yourself you mentioned earlier.

I doubt you really want to sit here and listen to me complain about myself.

Did you want to sit and hear me talk about what we just did?

Edited 2025-02-01 01:34 (UTC)

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