vapour | (no subject)

[ ...will stop and sit as told, because even if he wasn't injured, the mental effects have made him too weak to give much capability to push through physically or psychologically as he just doesn't have the energy. ]

Do you want the healing pools or do you know someone with a healing ability?

[ he doesn't know anyone who would heal him, and even if he did he wouldn't bother them with this.

he'll reach stiffly to draw letters on Jewel's arm.

P O O L ]

All right then.

[Getting an arm around him and helping Sam up]

[ uses him for support a little bit, but he's avoiding most of his weight. ]

Legs hurt? Or just drained?

...Burned.

[Hums quietly, leading him away from the stage]

[ just goes with him quietly, pretty stiff and clumsy but he's sincerely trying to make this as easy on Jewel as possible so they get to the pools as quickly as possible, too, since Sam feels like he's going to pass out the longer they stand. ]

Edited 2025-03-18 02:52 (UTC)

Hey. We're here....still holding up okay?

[ Sam will use whatever amount of strength he has to lean in and is just about to kiss Jewel before he simply shifts to instead presses his forehead briefly against the other's affectionately. He'll briefly reach to hold his hand long enough to voluntarily connect their thoughts (although the first part transmitted isn't intentional).

—really like you and want to kiss you but can't—

Thank you for helping, go back and rest. Will make it up to you later.

He lets go, pushing away so he can just be can get into the water, clothes and all, and sink under it —he won't be coming up for a very long (like a good seven or eight minutes, and since the average person can only hold their breath about 90 seconds, it's going to feel like eternity if Jewel waits around.) ]

[Jewel will, in fact, just wait around]

[ Sam will eventually resurface on the side of the pool and just curl up at the edge of it, not stupid enough to try and get out of the water yet but trying to bury his head in his arms again. The only sounds he makes are his ragged breathing as he coughs out water. ]

[Reaches down to smooth some of Sam's hair out of his face]

Feel a little better?

[ he nods a little. ]

Sorry for the trouble...

It's not trouble. Besides, you'd do the same for me. Right?

Edited 2025-03-18 23:34 (UTC)

Always.

[ that's something he wishes he could say louder, but there's no way for his voice to heal any faster. ]

You can go back, though. I probably need to stay here a while... not very comfortable for you.

[Shrugs a bit, bringing his knees up to rest his chin on them]

I'll wait.

... Why?

... Not that I don't... want you here, but...

[ it just seems like the other can do better with his time for his own well-being. ]

Am I not allowed to care?

...

Please care for yourself, too. This isn't good for you if you care.

[Scratches at Sam's scalp lightly]

I promise I am very cared for.

[ nods a little. ]

...Then please look away for a moment.

[Turns away for a moment]

[ buries his face back in his arms now as he is absolutely disgusted and miserable and full of guilt and self-loathing right now, combined with an extra special dose of feeling absolutely worthless on top of the effects of torture and abuse involving forced starvation. his hunger is ravenous, but he has no energy to do anything about it, and all he can really manage in his head at this point are the god awful screams of that storyteller being burned alive, the hatred and fear and pain of the storyteller that was starved and abused, and the despite of one that was hung and sentenced to death by lightning strike only for them to not be lucky enough to die from it.

for the first time since he's been on this boat— or hell since he can even remember —he starts to really sob (quietly but not silent), having the one last thing he had at least been able to hold onto this entire time on the boat finally taken away from him: even if he was alone, he could always take care of himself even if left for dead. as someone who only sees the value in himself as a tool, this new revelation is now proof to him that he's really never been more useless and worthless than he is now.

and he hates it.

he doesn't want to go home. he doesn't want to see anyone. he doesn't wish for things to be different. he doesn't envy anyone else even though there's so much to envy. he simply wants to cease to exist because for him there is nothing worse than this feeling of inadequacy, because it means things can no longer change for the better. how do you come to terms with the fact that you aren't good enough to survive on your own when you have no one? how do you walk a lonely road knowing now that you can no longer weather the storm by yourself?

you don't.

( you just fall apart and let the pieces lay scattered because no one will be picking the pieces up to help you, and you no longer are useful enough to do it yourself. )

of course, in reality he has people. they care, too, he won't belittle their feelings by ignoring them, especially with one of them right here granting his request to look away— but none of them care in the way that he needs, and he will never try and ask for more than he is given. and because of that he will never have someone in the way he needs it, especially right now.

so he needs this moment to grieve about it. ]

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