vapour | LL PT. 2

Well, I for one am glad you aren't dead. I know it's your sister, but she wasn't well. You know that, right?

[Sits up the rest of the way, turning his full focus away from the movie and taking Sam's hands]

Thanks...

[ he nods. ]

Hey. Don’t claim up on me now…

[Reaches out to frame Sam’s face with both hands]

What things did you need to figure out?

Sorry... [ shifts just a little to briefly brush his lips over one of Jewel's fingers . ]

Just, a place in this world. A real purpose. It wasn't very specific, but it could have been anything from finding someone to want to spend my life with to a cause I was willing to put everything into. Even just being about to find proof without a doubt that I am who people say I am. Nadia doesn't think those who lose their memories are the same people anymore.

I can understand that a little bit....wanting a real purpose. That's the one reason I can't completely ignore the visions.... He has nothing except for the sort of drive I'd give everything for. To feel that strongly. Want something that badly.

[ nods. ]

[Brushes his thumbs against Sam's cheekbones, using that hold to turn his head again so Sam has to look at him]

Who they say you are.... Do you even want to be that person?

[ just looks at Jewel in silence a moment, before very quietly answering. ]

... I don't know. I don't know if I want to be anyone at all. Sometimes... I like being someone. Like if I'm with you or someone else I like being around... but other times...

[ shrugs weakly. ]

Well. That's a promising start at least. We just have to find how to get you to the the point of liking being someone even if it's just you around.

...That's the last thing I want.

[Climbs onto his lap, pulling him into a better hug]

What do you want then?

[ hugs him a little more tug m desperately than he will be okay with admitting later. ]

... I just don't want to be alone.

[Hugs back just as tight, breathing out]

Samir...

[ he'll feel bad later for dumping this on the other, and he certainly hadn't planned on doing so. It seems like the relaxing and letting his guard down had it suddenly wash over him like a bad taste in his mouth. Like a reminder why this is so rare. That his happiness over it is exactly why he should be even more dismayed— without these type of connections, what's left?

And he has so few of them.

He can understand Jewel's envy of his vision self because in this moment he feels envy for his own.

But even then, a fear tugs at him saying it's really not all that different, that all his vision self has is even less now with more to miss. Who does Sam have to miss? Who will miss Sam?

He can name both on one hand. Childe perhaps has upwards towards double that (or maybe not even the same amount,) but not a single one of those individuals exists here— which means?

Which means he's damned one way or another. It sucks, he hates it. He hates everything. ]

You know I'm not going anywhere, right? You've managed to make friends even on this short time we've had on the boat. You don't have to be alone.

...Are... we just lying to ourselves, Shadi? Are we going to, in the end, go the way we keep promising each other not to and just leave each other behind like the other never existed? I don't have the pressure of people I care about all wanting to chase after their other selves like you do, but the pressure to have a use is there.