vapour | overflows ; LIMELIGHT (various)

[Looks up mid bite, blinking a couple times owlishly]

....hmmm?

[ slowly slides another piece of paper towards him ]

You said I made you feel like a whore before you left. And... I can't help but wonder... if you even know what it actually feels like?

...considering it didn't stop at just touching and I had no power or choice? I think I do. Considering in my visions I was quite literally sold to someone? If something happened to you too, then I really am sorry. You didn't deserve it either. And your experience and my experience can both have been awful. One doesn't invalidate the other.

[Picks up the slip of paper that is offered to him]

Don't apologize. I did it to myself. And I wasn't invalidating your experience.

But since you know, then you should also know by now from the way I feel about you that I would never imply that or want you to feel that way. I'd like to know what part of it made it feel like that so I don't do it again.

Edited 2025-05-05 01:55 (UTC)

Saying things like 'if you even know what it actually feels like' is kind of insulting. Whether that's the intention or not.

And it's insulting for you to accuse me of being someone who would call you a whore when I have gone through something, too, and then storm off on me.

And how would I have known that prior to just now when you're just as cagey as I am? Also, I did not storm off. I just took a short walk to calm down since I figured that probably wasn't your intention.

You're not. But you still accused me of labeling you as something you know at your personal expense is awful, which is pretty serious. My hope was that if you could throw that in my face, you really didn't know what it was like. So sorry for insulting you there, but you made an assumption and I had to make a return assumption that was best for me to calm down with, too. And I had to make that assumption because you got upset enough to clam up and leave instead of trust me with it.

Edited 2025-05-05 04:03 (UTC)

I didn't say you were labeling me that. I just said that's how that statement made me feel and besides that I was being-....

[Takes a deep breath, forcing himself to unfold his arms]

Do you even know who all I'm intimate with?

Not really. I know Booker because it's in my goddamn face against my will, and I assume Jem. I can think of a few others if I want to speculate, but honestly? I don't really care who you're intimate with, and I would actually prefer not to know.

Do you know how much it hurts to have to acknowledge that you're not just sleeping with someone, but multiple someones and I'm not even one of them when I feel like I do about you? For fuck's sake, Jewel... you can't possibly be this blind to your own words and their effect if you get like this over what I said. Why did you even tell me in the first place if I'm not suppose to take note of it? I didn't ask for this information.

Edited 2025-05-05 04:19 (UTC)

You're the one that brought it up! You're the one that decided to hit me with "you seem intimate with several people"! I didn't go there first...you did.

No, you brought it up at the party before we got off the ship when I said you weren't interested! You definitely went there first.

Edited 2025-05-05 04:47 (UTC)

Was that remarkable enough information you're still thinking about it? Surely you're sleeping with people you know, right?

Oh? [ puts a hand on his hip now as he straightens up. ]

So now it's not a big deal? But when I mention it in trying to point out you have a good chance to find people you you know and who are interested in dating you when you're ready, I'm making you feel like a whore? Make up your damn mind!

…

[Steps closer]

Do you want to get along with me or do you want to argue? Both of us could likely say some ugly things right now.

Go ahead. Say whatever you want.

All right then... I'm sorry you're hurting. Especially if some of it is because of me.

... [ sighs, his shoulders slumping a little and hold out his hand palm up expectantly. ] Give me the paper. I only tried to share that with you in hopes you would understand better I would never think ill of you and to avoid an argument. But not only did we not avoid the argument, you took me as trying to share it with you as a way to say your hurt was somehow less than mine. I'm not interested in you feeling obligated to know my experience and it become temporarily your pain on top of all of this.

[ Sam looks a bit defeated and disheartened though now. ] Do you not get what this is about from my end? Do you really feel so little for me to have reacted in these ways rather than feeling like you could be in a safe space about this kind of thing with me... Jewel?

Edited (had to change think to feel ) 2025-05-05 17:04 (UTC)

...it's not...

[Breathes out, folding his arms]

How about you tell me what this is about then.

... I just did. If you don't understand it from what I said, then that answers the question.

I just didn't want to assume since I seme to keep missing the mark.

Fine, just so you can't use the excuse you didn't know: I like you. I really like you. I like you in a "I would actually take a risk and want to date you so I could get to know you intimately" kind of way. I like you that I could hope and see myself being dedicated to you long term if we work together and the mere thought of that kind of commitment doesn't instantly suffocate me. If none of that feels like I'm saying much, try thinking about it again after you look at that memory since you aren't handing it over.

But if you don't feel anything for me, to the point you can't even have some good faith on what I'm trying to do here when I present something personal or I'm trying to encourage you about things you would like for yourself, this is too imbalanced for us to get anywhere. I want to know you too much while you don't want to know me enough.

It doesn't work.

Edited 2025-05-06 03:03 (UTC)

[....going to look at the memory in the slip]

Edited 2025-05-06 03:49 (UTC)

[ ...Sam closes his eyes, exhaling slowly, waiting. ]

[Glancing over once the memory plays out, slowly looking over Sam’s face]

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel

Re: D.25? (shore leave) { Night of Reminisce: Jewel