Mmm.....people pour a lot into me. Time. Caring. Gifts. Affection. They want so badly to help me..... And I don't really know that I can be helped? Sometimes it feels a little like they're wasting their resources and I feel guilty, even if they don't mind and don't feel it is a waste.
They do, but....they also make me feel worse? I know it's not like they give me those things expecting anything in return...but also I don't really know that they're getting a fair return.
....Ah ... well, I don't think I'm a good example for you, I have it very easy overall. It is pretty fair as I don't give much of anything and I don't receive anything in turn as a result. There's always someone who is the outlier, though, even in a situation like mine. And... I can say that it hurts to see them supporting me and wanting something for me when I know I will never be able to be what they wish for me. But that person is also not capable of giving me what would make me happy or, as you put it, what could 'fix' me. And, I think what would do that would actually make them even sadder than I already make them. Which I don't want, either. It's not a good feeling to wrestle with, so if it's anything like you're feeling, I feel deeply for you and don't wish that on anyone.
It also might be different from what you're describing, but for that person and me... it does come off really unfair of me. Even though it's just one relationship it's enough to trouble me. You have many of these and it must be very hard.
Not as tough as yours. And don't misunderstand, I'm trying to commiserate with you, but I'm feeling okay right now. You aren't, so I want to focus on your feelings. You're very sweet, though.
Hmmm, now that I don't know if I should tell you. I'm supposed to be listening to you, not giving you potentially bad ideas, haha!
I would complain more, but honestly I don’t quite know my feelings. I’m used to things either being too busy to process them or having my life so simplified I don’t have to face them…
[Rolls over again, huffing quietly]
If you say that, I’m going to wind up even more curious. Besides, I have plenty of bad ideas on my own, you wouldn’t need to worry about giving me any.
You can complain whenever you feel a desire to, then. It doesn't have to be on this phone call.
[ Sam laughs it muffled a bit by probably his pillow as he shifts around in his bed, trying to get comfortable with his stuffed narwhal. ]
I guess that's fair enough. One of two things would make me happy, I think.
Finding someone that loves me the same way I love them or just disappearing. I used to think disappearing would be the easier of the two, but I guess the joke's on me for that.
I like the sound of your voice usually, so maybe I would enjoy it. I'd just have to figure out how to keep ya quiet when it gets annoying~. Have a favorite treat I can give you for that sometime?
Normally I'd say that's just because you're a super famous celebrity! ... However, considering I have the ability to make people forget and I still haven't been able to do it... I think I have to take your word as the hard truth.
What if I name something extra ridiculous just to make sure you can’t find it on the ship? Once my complaining starts, I won’t be silenced. Even by treats.
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Forgive me in advance for being overly dramatic then.
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....the best way I can explain it is probably that I feel a little like a blackhole. If that makes sense. It sounds lame even to me, but.
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Do these things not make you feel better?
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How do you feel everything shakes out for you? Pretty fair? Not so much…?
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It also might be different from what you're describing, but for that person and me... it does come off really unfair of me. Even though it's just one relationship it's enough to trouble me. You have many of these and it must be very hard.
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They're here.
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What do you think would make you happy then?
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Hmmm, now that I don't know if I should tell you. I'm supposed to be listening to you, not giving you potentially bad ideas, haha!
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[Rolls over again, huffing quietly]
If you say that, I’m going to wind up even more curious. Besides, I have plenty of bad ideas on my own, you wouldn’t need to worry about giving me any.
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[ Sam laughs it muffled a bit by probably his pillow as he shifts around in his bed, trying to get comfortable with his stuffed narwhal. ]
I guess that's fair enough. One of two things would make me happy, I think.
Finding someone that loves me the same way I love them or just disappearing. I used to think disappearing would be the easier of the two, but I guess the joke's on me for that.
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And…disappearing isn’t easy at all, take it from me.
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Normally I'd say that's just because you're a super famous celebrity! ... However, considering I have the ability to make people forget and I still haven't been able to do it... I think I have to take your word as the hard truth.
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